Friday YouTube Nugget

Gracious readers:

Hope you all saw my Letter to the Editor in today's News.

You all know I'm not the most sentimental guy in the world, but not even a cynical curmudgeon like me could resist joining in the latest Internet phenomenon. I give you the heartwarming, uplifting, life-affirming tale of Christian the Lion:



Somewhere, Roy Horn is gasping "What a gyp!"

Johnny Desperado Strikes Again

Forget President, I think he's running for God

It must be quite the season of despair and tumult in the McCain '08 campaign....the last few weeks have not been exactly kind to him. To wit:

• July 10th - McCain's top economic adviser, Sen. Phil Gramm, takes the high road and calls hard-working taxpayers struggling to cope with skyrocketing costs in every sector of their lives "whiners" who are all lathered up over a "mental recession". Professor Charles Xavier must have unleashed this "mental" recession because it is a motherfucker that has wiped out five banks in one year, including the third-largest collapse in U.S. history.


• July 16th - It is revealed that, during his first run for the Senate in 1986, Senator McCain told a joke at a fundraiser that is definitely "Maverick"-esque....as in, you have to have some set of balls on you to tell a piece of shit joke like this in public:

According to the Tucson Citizen, here's what McCain, then a two-term Congressman from Mesa, said during his run for the Senate:
"Did you hear the one about the woman who is attacked on the street by a gorilla, beaten senseless, raped repeatedly and left to die? When she finally regains consciousness and tries to speak, her doctor leans over to hear her sigh contently and to feebly ask, 'Where is that marvelous ape?'"

Charming, isn't it? Just the sort of sparkling wit needed to win over those delusional holdout Hillary supporters. Speaking of the Clintons, don't think they were spared the blade in Johnny's Joke Karavan....even if his target was a teenager. Somehow, I doubt we'd see Obama making "ho" jokes about Cindy McCain.

• July 21st - Senator McCain graced the Queen City with his presence....or should I say graced his donors because he kept the public and the press at a safe distance. Unless you ponied up megabucks to nibble on tenderloin at Tony Gioia's backyard or cozied up to the candidate at Albright-Knox, you were shit out of luck. Well, he did clear a cool $1 million, which should go a long way to close the $30 million fundraising gap with Obama in the 2nd quarter of this year.


• July 21st - The unrivaled foreign policy expert in the election apparently forgot about a little land mass between Iraq and Pakistan called Afghanistan

• July 20-27 - Senator McCain has taunted Obama for weeks about his supposed lack of foreign policy experience and, specifically, his absence in Iraq or Afghanistan over the past two years to see conditions on the ground for himself. Obama's response? Hit the road and make your opponent look like a jackass. Imagine that - the dirty-fucking-hippie-Muslim-Socialist-American-hating candidate being cheered by our troops and respected by international heads of state. Not to mention, Iraq's Prime Minister Maliki endorsed Obama's 16-month troop withdrawal plan, much to the consternation of the McCain campaign and the Bush White House. They apparently thought it was A-OK with the Iraqis if we hung around for a few hundred years. Damn ingrates wanting self-rule!

With Obama's overseas tour continuing in Israel and headed to widely anticipated speeches in Berlin, Paris and London, poor Senator McCain could do little but pout like a spurned ex-girlfriend about how his formerly lickspittlish press sycophants "abandoned" him. Waaaaaa.

And then we come to the sad events of yesterday where, at a town hall meeting in New Hampshire, Senator McCain actually said the following:



Let's look at that quote:

"...It seems to me that Senator Obama would rather lose a war in order to win a political campaign..."

Someone should advise the Senator that this is what he has surrogates and operatives for. Let the 3rd rate hacks from the conservative think tanks and the Fox News idiots spew this garbage. Not only is it unseemly for a Presidential candidate to insult and question his opponent's patriotism, he also accomplished the neat trick of spitting in the face of the better-than-60% of registered voters who want a withdrawal from Iraq along the lines Obama is proposing. Good job in winning those independents over to your side, Senator.

Spoiler Alert

The Dark Knight was a fucking masterpiece and well worth the hype and attention. Although, I could have done without the revelation that Rachel Dawes was really a dude...

Friday YouTube Nugget

Wow, I am really getting lazy with the posting as of late. No posts since last Friday's Nugget? Bad Humanist!

Anyhoo, I'm taking the afternoon off to join the hordes waiting in line for the movie event of the summer - Mamma Mia!....er, wait, no. The Dark Knight. All these young whippersnappers who think this is an event shoulda been with us in June '89 at the premiere of Tim Burton's Batman. Now THAT was an event!

Here's the classic opening theme to the 60's TV series of Batman. Enjoy

Friday YouTube Nugget

Greetings and salutations! After a busy week at work and having one of my posts backlinked by a much more reputable (and widely-read) local blog, I'm going to be spending the weekend in Detroit visiting friends. In honor of the Motor City, here's the legendary Motown artist, Marvin Gaye, and my favorite song from his seminal 1971 album, What's Going On

"What's Happenin Brother," like many of the tracks on the album, was inspired by Marvin's brother Frankie and his experiences from a 3-year tour in Vietnam. The album is told from the point of view of a returning veteran coming home to an America in the early 70's in tumult, reeling from social strife, injustice, corruption, poverty, pollution and a host of other maladies. While all the songs on the album are classics, I'm especially taken by the poignancy of "What's Happening Brother" - listen for the lyric "And tell me, friend/How in the world have you been?" - always sends chills down my spine:

The Humanist's Eye on Hollywood - The Mini-Me Sex Tape Scandal

The Happy Couple

I have to admit that I'm fascinated with the travails of one Verne Troyer (aka "Mini-Me" from the Austin Powers film series and.....God knows what else). If you haven't heard, a tape featuring Mr. Troyer and his, ahem, regular-sized live-in girlfriend engaged in el sexo comico was stolen from their possession and a portion of it (no sex, but they are naked and kissing) has made the InterTubes. Yes, I have seen said clip. No, it's not as bad as "2 Girls, 1 Cup" (but it comes damn close). No, I will not post the link, you lazy, sick bastards...find it yourselves!

Verne realizing his girl may not be solely taken by his natural charm

This seemingly run-of-the-mill Hollywood sex tape story intrigues me because it involves an uncommon movie star - a 2'8'' dwarf. My instinctual reaction to the story was revulsion (ewwww....dwarf sex!), but then I considered what this man has endured in his life and the utter miracle that his life has become and I felt remorse. I shouldn't be sickened or repulsed just because this man has the same natural appetites as anyone else. I'd like to think I'm a better person than some shallow heel who laughs at other people's "shortcomings" and physicial disorders....I judge what's inside the man. Yup.

Then I read some of the spicy details Mini-Me's co-star was offering up. Mike Myers should forget about the goofy accented characters and put this shit up on screen....it'll be the funniest thing he's ever done:

• She nearly drowned him in the bathtub due to sexy bubbles:

"I thought it would be fun to do it in the tub. Sadly, I almost killed him. While Verne was watching TV I ran the bath, emptied a bottle of bubbles in it and called him in. But the bubbles were so thick and high that once he climbed in he got lost under the water and I couldn't see him. Verne's voice is just like it is in the films and as he disappeared under the water, I heard this tiny yelp for help. I could just hear him crying, ‘Ranae, I can't see! Get me out, I'm drowning!' I was frantic and started to scoop the bubbles out so I could find him. The bath was only about 3ft deep but for someone of Verne's size it was like he'd fallen into the deep end of a swimming pool—and he CAN'T swim. "I thought it would be fun to do it in the tub. Sadly I almost killed him. I couldn't believe I'd tried to do something sexy and ended up almost killing him. He looked like a drowned rat."

Comic gold, right? But wait, it gets better....

"Then when I asked, ‘Shall we have sex now?' he was so out of breath he just stomped off with foam on his shiny head and said, ‘I don't feel like it now.' It was dreadful."

I'll bet it was....but not so dreadful that Mini-Me wasn't able to guilt her into getting her freak on with him the next night:

• Verne Troyer: Porn Auteur

So the next night, when Verne asked her to star in his DIY sex video, guilty Ranae felt duty-bound to agree. She said: "Without a doubt there's nothing Verne enjoys more than seeing himself on screen. Watching his own films is his favourite hobby. So it was no surprise when he asked if he could film us having sex. He said we could use it to get ourselves turned on."
Verne then turned director...telling Ranae where he wanted furniture because he was too small to move it himself. She said: "Verne ordered champagne and strawberries to get us in the mood. Then we got down to it. "First the tape shows Verne pleasuring me for 15 minutes which was amazing. The next 45 minutes is us having sex. And we really enjoyed ourselves."

I guess I should have warned you not to eat before reading the above paragraph....sorry about that.

Some other tidbits about this not-at-all cringe-inducing affair:

• Mini-Me hates her pet Maltese (avg size - 7-9 inches in height) because when the dog stands up on her back legs, she's taller than the movie star. Bitch.
• Mini-Me is on the starving college student diet - "Luckily I didn't have to cook much—because after two biscuits Verne is full. One slice of Hawaiian pizza and he's happy for the rest of the day!"
• To have sex with his 5'6" girlfriend, Mini-Me has to crawl up her legs and, since they can't kiss while having sex, he makes do by pecking her stomach. I'd pay $10 bucks to see that at the cineplex.
• Mini-Me rides bareback....because he kinda has to...

"It wasn't quite as passionate as sex with a normal-sized man but he did his best. He didn't wear a condom. There was no point, they're all too big.

• As if that wasn't embarassing enough, his galpal revealed that Mini-Me has to remind her not to hold his hand when they enter a restaurant....lest they look like a mother holding onto her child. Snarf!

OK, yes, I admit it.....I'm a shallow bastard who finds the whole mechanics of this relationship hilarious. He's a big movie star with money, fame and probably more girls who will let him crawl up their legs, so what does he care?

An Independence Day Message From Jack English, True American Patriot

America Rules England Sucks - Watch more free videos

Friday YouTube Nugget - Happy Birthday America!

In celebration of liberty, freedom, democracy and Bed, Bath & Beyond: